During most of Tuesday night's boot camp class, I, in my mind, tried out a few variations of how I was going to let Coach Asad know that I would not be returning on Thursday, or any of the subsequent weeks, for that matter.
I kept coming up with excuses. Even lies.
Let's start back at the beginning.
If you haven't read my introductory post - about why I am trying to kill myself, you can find that post here.
If you are already in the know, continue on.
Tuesday was a rather busy day for me. A full work day, which included back-to-back conference calls from 9:30am-3:30pm. No joke. After lying down for 30 minutes, I had to run to Target to pick up materials needed for class: a yoga mat and a foam roller. I took Alex along with me and we ended up having to go to both Target and the Sport Chalet.
At Target, I picked up a new workout shirt. Prior to leaving the house, I tried on several different outfits. I actually spent time trying to find something that wouldn't make me look hideous.
Alex and Abby had Poetry Night at the high school, so I was going to drop them off on the way to meet my new boot camp buddies. Isabel was on babysitting duty, with Nic as her charge. Here I am killing it:
Look at all of those colors going on. You'd think I was on my way to an 80s aerobics class.
When I got to the gym, I had a chance to meet my other classmates. There were 8 people total, all of whom were friendly and fun.
The fun ended when Coach Asad decided it was time to get to work. After a brief warm up which consisted of jumping jacks and pull-ups (so not what you think. We didn't do actual pull-ups, that was just me pulling up my workout pants. After each jumping jack, my pants would fall down around my belly. Next time, workout shorts. With a drawstring.), he had a circuit workout for us. 4 areas, 4 times around. I think. I could have lost count. My chest (not lungs) was hurting. My upper back was sore. I couldn't get enough water, I didn't want anymore water. I felt like I was going to throw up. All while Coach Asad walked around the room, correcting form, giving words of encouragement, telling us to keep going. He ventured over to me several times, with concern in his eyes, "Are you okay?" he asked. Maybe the concern was because he was afraid I was going to kick the bucket in his gym.
In retrospect, I am ashamed of my answers. I am sure I sounded ungrateful, defeated, even annoying. I told him it hurt. He told me to keep going. As I mentioned above, I spent quite a few minutes, especially during sprints, trying to figure out how I was going to bow out gracefully from this commitment. I came up with illnesses for the kids, added activities for me. Bad, I know. But I was desperate. Finally... I decided to pretend that a camera crew was following me around. That helped for a bit.
When I thought I was for sure going to die (which is why I am glad I wore my good under-roos, just in case I did actually die, as I explained to Alex and Abby on the ride over), it was over. We cooled down, did some stretches, got to lie down on that beautiful mat. And I forgot about the pain. I finally caught my breath. I felt almost human again. This isn't so bad. I told myself.
Last night's workout was a little easier, but still hard. I had another rough day, chalk full of meetings and tasks. Around 5, I climbed up the stairs and took a quick nap. And then I got in the shower... and headed out the door. I think I yelled at the kids to fend for themselves. I hope.
I tried to keep myself in check, to not say negative things last night. That's hard when you are hurting. We did another circuit, this time with cardio then strength training, using our body as the weight.
Again, the stretching was the most fab part. We all started chatting, we could relax... catch our breath.
After the workout, I came home and swooped up Marcos in my two-seater.
Okay, it's a five-seater, but you know what I mean.
We headed out, into town, to get some veggies!!!
I start Week 2 on Sunday, and my goals for this coming week, and all future weeks, involve stepping up my workouts to at least 5 days a week, watching my nutrition a WHOLE lot more and documenting in my food journal. When I get weighed in and remeasured during week 4, I want there to be progress!!!
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