I've been writing this post in my head for nearly two days now. It will not be perfect, though; don't bother with the high expectations, mostly because the words are flowing from my ♥ and not my educated mind.
I've mentioned in the past that the ball to my chain and I have been married for a while. As in, four days short of 17 and a half years. We were barely 17 when we met and started dating. Okay, we were 16, but just shy of 17. I don't want to mess this all up with math problems. That's not the point of this.
I have spent over half of my life with my husband. We were kids when we got married. We grew up together. And I've enjoyed all 6,369 days (give or take a few).
I've been a mom for 16 and a half years. And that means that the husband has seen the best and worst of me. [there, finally getting to the point!] I wish I knew then, what I know now. I would have put boundaries in place to protect the innocent from the not so lovely things like stomach issues, skin infections, PMS, major dislike for doing the dishes, and man hair.We are 100% transparent in all facets of our life.
Do you know how I know my husband loves me? He tells me. I can see it in his eyes. In his touch. When his slaps my butt, when I am cooking dinner (and doesn't get mad when I yell at him to stop it). Even with all of my flaws (some mentioned above), he still LOVES me. And WANTS me.
It's when I started to think about our lack of boundaries and privacy, did I start to formulate the things I wish I would have done differently... and jotted down a few of the things I think it’s not too late to change. Moreover, because I am a self-proclaimed over-sharer, I wanted to list them here.
Let me stop and explain a few things; some of what I will say may sound like excuses... and they probably are. Nevertheless, in my defense...
We are very comfortable together, so privacy goes to the way-side. It’s practical, for sure. Romantic? Not so much.
I work from home. Most of the time in my jammies, having rolled right out of bed. By the time the husband gets home from work, I pretty much look like I did the LAST time he come home from work (the night before). Lucky him, huh?
LAZY. Yes, I know. In some areas of my life, I am lazy. I hate that about me. My husband deserves better. When we go out, he brushes HIS hair, he matches, etc, etc, etc. I should give him (and the rest of the world) the same courtesy. I am working on that. I think one of the ways I’ve failed as a wife is not taking my role seriously enough. From the beginning, I felt that my husband’s arms and legs were NOT broken, therefore, he was surely able to wash his own clothes and take care of himself. I worked full-time, I was in college for 7 years (two degrees, not the super, super senior approach). And I had two (now three) children.
I always blamed everything (my lack of doing anything for him really) on his heritage (oh, he expects it - not that he does, that's just what I thought) and his family upbringing. My man had FOUR sisters and a mom. He was the only boy. Do I need to clarify further?!
I remember his oldest sister coming to our apartment one day, years and years ago, asking why the place was a disaster. Why didn’t I do my job?! Well, my JOB was making sure the kids were alive and fed, and reporting to my cubicle in Phoenix, 40+ hours a week. I was so mad at her. ANGRY. Spitting nails. Now I understand. You see, my husband has worked almost every single day since he was 16. His work ethic is unbelievable. He’s been at his current job for nine years and the one before that? Nine years, too. That’s 18 years. He’s only 35, people. It’s not that he LOVES his job, he just knows that in order to take care of his family, he has to put forth the proper effort. This is one of the reasons why I have mad, mad love for him. He’s so patient and he always does the right thing.
I’ve never enjoyed cleaning or doing the dishes. Ever. However, I DO enjoy seeing my man’s face when he walks in to see the kitchen clutter free and dinner just about on the table. I enjoy it when he finds his socks clean, matched together perfectly. I do.
I can say with 100% honestly, that we’ve come a long way. My partner in crime works Sunday – Wednesday. On his days off, Thursday – Saturday, he generally makes dinner and does stuff around the house, giving me a break. We’ve come up with a routine that works for us now. But I want to give him MORE. As our children get older, I know that the husband and I still have a lot of life ahead of us yet (God willing). I look forward to the days where I can put his needs before Volleyball, a math test, a fight, a report I MUST finish tonight, etc.
He has been very supportive in my goals, from working full-time and moving up in the ranks to obtaining an education. He encourages my ideas. And only sometimes rolls his eyes at me.
He is not perfect. Nope. Probably wouldn’t like him, if he was. Instead he’s perfect for me. And I am committed to the joy that taking better care of our house and our home life will bring. I am committed to bringing more flowers and hearts and lovey dove stuff back into our lives. We are done baby-making, we are done with diapers (have been for a while). We are in a pretty decent routine. Now it's time to enjoy what we have and enjoy each other.
This most certainly starts with locking the darn bathroom door, every.single.time.
P.S. I also want to set an example for my children. I think we've done a decent job showing them that everyone needs to contribute, both mommy and daddy and all of the kids. But I'd also like to show them how easy it is to show someone you love them, and it's not always in the most obvious ways.
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